Wednesday, 9 January 2008

On the Significance of Names and Naming...

A Rosé by Any Other Name is still nothing compared to a good Cabernet-Sauvignon

Apparently, William Carlos Williams, Ford Madox Ford, Jerome K. Jerome, Thomas T. Thomas, Humbert Humbert, Major Major Major Major, Sirhan Bishara Sirhan, Doug E. Doug, Bond James Bond, the founding members of Duran Duran and The The, and the rest of the Slightly Anagrammatic League for the Affiliation of Men of Intellect -also known by its acronymic moniker, S.A.L.A.M.I.- has denied posthumous membership to the Right Reverend John Johns [Doctor of Divinity and Doctor of Laws], Fourth Episcopal Bishop of Virginia, U.S.A.

The reason for this nominal apartheid was made clear by a spokesman for S.A.L.A.M.I., who is quoted as stating that "he [Rd. John Johns] didn't have a middle name, nor a double-barrelled surname, man (...) so he was unsuitable for our group. His name looks like two slices of white, bleached, branless bread (...) a sandwich with no S.A.L.A.M.I., if you will. It looks just like a threesome without a Lucky Pierre in the middle, a tricycle with a flat tyre... d'you know what I mean?"

No, sir, we do not know what you mean. But, in any case, thank you for saying it.

Reverend Johns's last words, uttered on his deathbed ("guide me-wash me-clothe me, help me under the shadow of Thy wings") have been interpreted by many a Man of Scholarly Pursuits as substantial proof that he was -or, at least, had at some point been- best friends with a fashion-conscious Dragon. This, of course, is the only way in which we can explain such a random statement at the 11th Hour, as well as his interest in the paranormal.

The name of the Dragon itself remains a mystery. Although I like to think its name was either Eugene or Lucretia. But that's just me.

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